You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
