I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
