Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
