some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
