I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
