I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
