ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
