yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
