Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
