watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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