we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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