it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
