well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're a waste of cheezeits
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
