i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
