If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
