The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This toilet bowl is my home.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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