my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
