i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
