You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
