Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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