when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
