i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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