you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
