I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
