I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
