Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
