i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
