Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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