We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
