I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
