we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
