Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
