just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
