I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
