the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
