Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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