My cat gives me a boner
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
