Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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