I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize