i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
