Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize