I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
