for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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