Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
