The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
