oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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