you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
