she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
