Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They took my balls.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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