dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
