Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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