I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
