I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
