Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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