if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
