I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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