the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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